call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me
by wikelia
Summary: 'did you really just send me off with the kim possible theme song' 'if you just call my name' 'wow, you're a bit of a dork, aren't you'
1. Chapter 1

**Hiccup is plain.** _ **Astrid is italicized.**_

(12:10) _the next time i see you i am going to KICK the SHIT out of you i swear_

(12:12) ouch. harsh. but i'm assuming it was for someone else.

(12:13) _oh_

(12:13) _fuck_

(12:13) _yeah_

(12:14) _sorry, that was meant for my friend_

(12:14) _she changed her number recently and i havent deleted this one yet_

(12:15) what did she do to deserve you kicking "the SHIT" out of her?

(12:15) (mildly concerning, by the way)

(12:17) _she borrowed my homework to copy_

(12:17) _said she would give it back before my class started_

(12:18) _guess who DIDNT have their homework when it was being collected_

(12:21) yikes.

(12:21) yeah, i'd be mad too.

(12:22) _(its not concerning if shes my friend)_

(12:22) depends. WILL you kick the shit out of her?

(12:23) _no, ill probably just_

(12:23) _i dont know_

(12:23) _punch her arm_

(12:30) see, that's much better.

(12:32) _your welcome, stranger_

(12:32) _i'm happy my friend-punishing isnt interfering with your morals_

 _..._

(12:55) _hello?_

(12:55) _was it because i called you stranger?_

(12:55) _because like_

(12:56) _no offense_

(12:56) _you are literally just someone i accidentally texted_

 _..._

(2:18) oh, sorry.

(2:18) i had lunch and then class started and the teacher is really strict so

(2:18) you know.

(2:20) (why would I take offense to you calling me a stranger?)

(2:23) _i dont know, maybe you wanted nudes_

(2:23) _girls dont send strangers nudes_

(2:24) are you saying that once you get to know me you're going to send me nudes?

(2:24) _are you asking for them?_

(2:25) gods, no.

(2:26) _good, that response was cock-or-block for you_

(2:26) HA

(2:27) I refuse to believe you were gonna pass up the opportunity to mess with me if I wanted nudes

(2:28) _okay, fine, pop quiz_

(2:28) _an old dude asks you for nudes_

(2:29) _how do you most effectively mess with him?_

(2:30) hmmmm.

(2:30) what website is this on?

(2:31) _omegle_

(2:31) WHY WAS I ON OMEGLE

(2:30) _you wanted to make friends_

(2:30) considering my life so far

(2:31) that's not far off for me, I'll take it.

(2:31) you can't send pictures on omegle, though.

(2:31) _i feel like youve had some extensive experience with omegle_

(2:32) I may or may not have used it a little during...ninth grade?

(2:32) _oh god you poor thing_

(2:32) _anyway_

(2:32) _he asks for your kik_

(2:35) oh shit uh

(2:35) lovergirl420

(2:37) _THATS the best you can come up with?_

(2:37) _the sex bot gods have deemed you unworthy_

(2:38) guess I'll be able to go on tumblr then.

(2:39) _omg_

(2:39) _youre pretty funny, you know_

(2:39) thank you, I aim to please.

(2:41) if you had stuck around for the end, "lovergirl420' would only send pictures of shaggy.

(2:43) _nude shaggy?_

(2:47) why would you think I have nude shaggy on my phone?

(2:48) _fair question, however_

(2:48) _why would you have regular shaggy on your phone?_

(2:49) _i expected better_

(2:50) bold of you to assume shaggy didn't just appear on my phone himself.

(2:51) that's how powerful he is.

(2:53) _i give that meme TWO more days_

(2:54) then you're being merciful

(2:54) i give it...a few more hours?

(2:56) _youre underestimating the shaggy meme fandom_

 _[Image: "Thanos: With all six infinity stones, I will be the most powerful being in the universe." A picture is shown of Shaggy smirking after this quote.]_

(3:00) that is horrifying, holy crap.

(3:00) 1. did you have that on your phone (in which case, you have no right to judge me) or did you search it up?

(3:01) 2. thor threw his axe at purple mcwarlord when he had all the infinity stones and hurt him, HE is the strongest.

(3:06) _youre telling me, i love him_

(3:07) _also "purple mcwarlord" lmao_

(3:09) so, a list of things I know about you so far:

(3:09) you like thor

(3:10) you're definitely on tumblr

(3:10) a number of dudes have been hurt because you messed with them on omegle

(3:10) you have no qualms about hurting your friends

(3:11) you hate apostrophes?

(3:14) _ugh, im not gonna switch to the other keyboard just to put a little line between my letters_

(3:14) don't you switch for the comma?

(3:15) _commas are worth it_

(3:15) nice logic.

(3:16) i gotta go, my cousin is goading me into playing chess.

(3:18) _cant say no to that_

(3:18) _but while youre gone_

(3:18) _heres what i know about YOU_

(3:19) _you suck at making fake kik names_

(3:19) _pacifist? maybe?_

(3:20) _punctuation freak if i ever saw one_

(3:20) _more funny than the average person, honestly_

(3:21) _i'd like to keep talking to you if we're not like, too far apart in age_

(3:21) _see, that was two apostrophes, just for you_

 _..._

(5:34) I'm honored.

(5:40) _did you win the chess game?_

(5:42) I always do.

(5:43) _oho, someones a bit of a braggart_

(5:44) if you met my cousin, you'd understand.

...

(11:03) I'm a 17 year old guy, by the way.

(11:04) and I'd like to keep talking too.

(11:20) _huh_

(11:20) _im a 17 year old girl_

(11:20) _weird_

(11:30) it'd be weirder if you were, like, 40

(11:32) _i could be_

(11:33) _i could be a viking for all you know_

(11:36) aaaand "viking" is your contact name now. thanks.

(11:39) _so i guess were gonna keep talking?_

(11:41) I guess we are.

(11:41) so, you know.

(11:42) call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.

(11:43) _did you really just send me off with the kim possible theme song_

(11:43) if you just call my name!

(11:45) _wow, you're a bit of a dork, aren't you?_

(11:45) just a little bit.

(11:47) _great. so youre "dork" in my phone now_

(11:47) excellent.

(11:47) i'll talk to you soon, viking.

(11:48) _count on it, dork_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiccup is plain. _Astrid is italicized._**

 **Ruffnut is underlined.**

(10:11) knock knock

(10:15) _really?_

(10:15) _this is how were gonna start the day?_

(10:17) knock knock

(10:17) _alright, fine_

(10:17) _whos there_

(10:18) annie

(10:18) _annie who?_

(10:20) annie-thing you can do, i can do better!

(10:21) _i can tell knock-knock jokes better than you!_

(10:21) nice clapback.

(10:23) _thanks, i try_

(10:23) _knock knock_

(10:25) _doctor_

(10:25) DOCTOR WHO?

(10:26) _nope, just the regular doctor!_

(10:26) but then how will we time travel?

(10:27) _wait, hang on_

(10:27) _before we go on_

(10:27) _i have to ask you something super important_

(10:29) yeah?

(10:29) _youre not….._

(10:30) _a superhwolockian, are you?_

(10:30) _cause that is make or break for any possible friendship here_

(10:33) okay listen

(10:34) _...you didnt_

(10:34) _how could you do it?_

(10:35) individually, those are some good shows!

(10:36) also

(10:36) for me

(10:36) it was

(10:36) uh

(10:38) _dont do it_

(10:38) superavengewholock

(10:39) _oh my god_

(10:39) I was young and impressionable!

(10:40) _youre dead to me_

(10:41) well then I guess this friendship is over before it even started.

(10:41) _i wouldnt call us friends_

(10:41) _more like_

(10:41) _mutual joke tellers?_

(10:42) _at least before that god awful knock knock joke_

(10:42) you don't hold back, do you?

(10:46) _nah, id rather not_

(10:47) _your dorkiness has terminated whatever this was_

(10:48) you have gotten EVERY reference I've made so far.

(10:48) and I will bet 20 bucks that you are as big a dork as I am.

(10:50) _nope, im one of the cool kids_

 _[Image: A dog wearing sunglasses.]_

(10:50) fine.

(10:51) but I hate when friendships end.

(10:52) like in the harry potter books

(10:52) when luna and neville stop being friends to date instead.

(10:54) _what?_

(10:55) _luna and neville didnt end up with each other in the books, neville married hannah abbott_

(10:55) _and luna married rolf scamander_

(10:55) HA

(10:55) THAT WASNT IN THE BOOKS.

(10:56) YOU JUST KNOW THAT

(10:56) BECAUSE YOU'RE

(10:56) _goddammit_

(10:56) A

(10:56) DORK

(10:57) _ugh_

(10:58) victory is sweet, viking.

...

(10:32) hey so you know how i borrowed your hw that one time

(10:35) _you dont wanna do this, ruff_

(10:37) i may or may not want it again

(10:37) _RUFF_

(10:38) i dont wanna read the articles suuuuuue me!

(10:39) trump did blah blah and idiots are everywhere i dont need articles to tell me that

(10:58) _it might do you some good_

(11:00) wow respond late much

(11:00) _i was texting someone else_

(11:01) tuff?

(11:01) _no_

(11:01) that girl in your physics class?

(11:02) _no_

(11:02) your mom?

(11:02) _no!_

(11:06) who else do you have to text? i should be your one and only priority right now

(11:06) _that guy i texted by accident yesterday_

(11:07) he could be some serial killer or stalker you know

(11:07) _eh, whats he gonna do, track me through my texts?_

(11:10) yeah, thats EXACTLY it, dummy

(11:12)  hard to believe teachers like you so much when you sound like an idiot half the time

(11:13) _oh, relax, were just talking and joking around_

(11:13) _and if youre so smart, you can do those articles on your own_

(11:14) nooooooooooo

(11:14) i promise not to say anything more

(11:14) text as many weird boys as you want

(11:14) do you want me to search up numbers for you

(11:15) will that make you give me the answers

(11:15) _im not giving you jack SHIT, ruff_

(11:19) what if i agree to hook up with you

(11:19) _oh my gosh_

(11:20) _you make one passing comment and suddenly you friend thinks youre in love with her_

(11:21) its okay, astrid, i know im hot

(11:23) _youre not that hot when youre bugging me_

(11:24) shall i whisper seductively in your ear instead

(11:24) *whispers* give me your homewoooork

(11:26) astrid

(11:28)  are you texting your boy again i swear astrid

(11:28) aaaaastrid

...

(11:24) hello gorgeous what is your name

(11:24) _you have about three minutes to explain_

(11:25) ajhgjhegfh

(11:25) rugerhgggggggggr45

(11:25) _uh…_

(11:25) _dork?_

(11:26) oh gods, i'm sorry.

(11:26) my cousin got my phone and he

(11:26) well, you know.

(11:27) _is this the same cousin you were playing chess with?_

(11:27) bingo.

(11:28) _he seems like quite the character_

(11:29) oh, he is.

(11:30) it's always "look at hiccup and how small he is" and "hiccup is a loser but i am the benevolent cousin and i still love him"

(11:30) _aww_

(11:32) _wait hold the fuck up_

(11:32) okay, potty mouth.

(11:33) _your name is HICCUP?_

(11:33) ah

(11:33) shit.

(11:34) _tell me your name is not hiccup_

(11:36) would if i could, viking.

(11:36) _omg tell me your name is NOT hICCUP_

(11:37) MY PARENTS THOUGHT IT WOULD WARD OFF GNOMES AND TROLLS

(11:37) _gnomes and trolls?_

(11:37) _holy shit_

(11:37) _youre not from berk are you?_

(11:38) uh, yeah.

(11:38) how'd you know?

(11:38) (creep).

(11:39) _oh shush_

(11:40) _youre a few towns away from me everyone talks about you guys and your weird traditions_

(11:40) _YOU TOTALLY GO TO HOOLIGAN HIGH DONT YOU_

(11:41) seriously is this information just common knowledge or

(11:41) _YOUR TEAMS SUCKS AT TENNIS_

(11:43) more of a basketball person myself, wouldn't know.

(11:43) _this is the greatest day of my life_

(11:44) is this pick on hiccup day?

(11:45) _yes, HICCUP, it is_

(11:45) oh gods.

(11:45) _what do you call it when you have a stomach spasm_

(11:46) NOT ORIGINAL.

(11:46) _A HICCUP_

(11:46) _HA_

 _..._

(11:48) _his name is hiccup_

(11:55) oh my gosh, what a loser

(11:56) oh noooo, youre into losers

(11:56) youre fucked

(11:56) were all doomed

(11:56) oh yeah i got the homework from an obscure website

(11:57) so suck on that hofferson

(11:59) (you nerd go get the weirdo)


End file.
